"A bright Red Royal Mail 'Sorry you were out' card"
Now you have bona fide evidence that something 'you really wanted' was actually at your front door only moments ago but you have a 48 hour wait whilst the package is driven at 4 miles an hour to a depot only inches away from your home and locked away so you can't get it.
Conveniently, this often happens on a Friday so the 48 hour wait is actually a '72' hour wait as they are closed Sundays. Plus the fact that they, for your added pleasure have relocated to the City Centre and removed all customer parking within a 3 mile radius of the collection office.
You now have to pay parking fees 'as well' as trek across the Urban Andes to finally join the 16 mile pedestrian tailback which is 'the parcel collection queue'. You, along with the rest of the living dead who make up this motley crew of digruntled queuers are blessed with rainfall to dampen your spirits further because the queue is 'so' long it starts outside the building
As you wind your way nearer the inner sanctum of the parcel collection office you notice the increasingly urgent looks on fellow querers faces. Watches are checked, necks strained to see round the corner and an increase in verbal tutting is apparent
Finally your goal is in sight and true to form the reason for the mind numbing waiting becomes clear. Behind the glass are three reception points. One is closed. The other has someone looking blankly at a sea of paper and the third has quite possibly the oldest person in the world walking away from it towards the back room, slower than a geriatric Sloth on national 'take it easy' day
It takes all your mental reserve not to throw people across the room, tear the reception door off it's hinges and scream JUST GIVE ME MY PARCEL!!! but common sense takes the better of you
In the end your 5 minutes of fame arrive and you get to feed the postal operative some red cardboard with writing on it. Minutes, hours, days, months,'years'pass; the seasons change and finally they return empty handed
With the expected level of indifference they simpy say well I had a look but it's not there. Can't have been returned to this office yet - perhaps try tomorrow?
